Guestbook

We found you on a dark, stormy, rain-soaked night in the middle of the city.

The streets were slick, the headlights were cutting through the rain, and then suddenly there you were, running right out in front of the car like you had been sent there for us to find. I jumped out without thinking and scooped you up, and that was it. There was no discussion, no hesitation, no question about what came next.

You were coming home.

You were already about a year old when we found you, already fully yourself, already Chicago. And somehow, from that first night, it felt like you had always belonged to us and we had just been late in realizing it.

You were the most beautiful dog I have ever seen. People say that about their dogs because they love them, but with you, it was simply true. You knew it, too. You carried yourself like a lady, folding your paws so perfectly, sitting like you were posing for a portrait. You had elegance, attitude, sweetness, and just enough drama to make sure nobody forgot who the star of the house was.

You tap danced into rooms. You DJ’d the soundtrack of our years. Your tail told the truth before anything else could. It was like your heartbeat lived in it, always wagging, always full of joy, always reminding us that happiness could still exist in the middle of ordinary days.

You demanded table food, and you got it, because honestly, what kind of monster says no to those eyes? French fries were basically your property. We were all just holding them temporarily. The ladies’ dinners will never feel the same without you under the table, waiting patiently and confidently for what you knew was yours. That empty space at our feet is going to feel louder than anything for a long time.

You loved your brother in a way I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to fully understand. You waited up for me every night. You made sure the house was locked down before you let yourself rest. You protected us, watched over us, and cared for us in quiet ways we probably didn’t even notice enough while you were here.

And I need you to know something.

I loved you.

I know some people may have thought I didn’t show it enough. I won’t mention names, because apparently even grief has to have manners. But I loved you with all of my heart. I always tried to make sure you had what you needed. I hope you felt that. I hope you knew that even on the quiet days, even when I didn’t say it out loud, you mattered deeply to me.

You were Keesi’s BFF. You loved Gabby fiercely and protected her with everything you had. For that, I owe you more than I could ever repay. Not with treats, not with stuffed animals, not with every french fry in the world. You gave us love that was loyal, instinctive, and pure.

Find Stitch. Find Arnold. Tell them I said hi, and tell them I miss them too.

And find my Lilo.

You would have loved her. I think you reminded me of her more than I ever said out loud. Maybe some part of me always believed she was waiting for you, and now I hope the two of you are together, running free, young again, safe again, whole again.

Thank you for coming into the road that night.

Thank you for trusting me when I scooped you up.

Thank you for becoming ours.

I love you, Chicago.

I always ask you if you remember the day we fell in love in the snow... because I can't forget it, it plays in my head like a loop over and over again. It was better than any romantic movie. You came into the snow that day like you already knew us. You handed me your whole heart in a tackle and a hundred kisses, and the deal was done. There was never going to be a version of my life that didn’t have you in it after that.

You were the loudest dog in any room and the softest one in our bed. You bared your teeth at the world and put your head in my lap the second the door closed. You guarded us like a job you had taken an oath for. You were proud of your jugs and your toys and your bones. You were proud of yourself, and you should have been. You are the only rottweiler that had the Tesla symbol on your dupa instead of a heart.

Thank you for the snow. Thank you for the pool. Thank you for the art projects in the garage, and being my biggest fan. I don't believe anyone was ever more excited than you to have me cook them a meal, standing outside stomping your foot barely containing yourself. I always loved to see your barrel role in the grass to show your appreciation, it is to date the biggest compliment I ever got for my cooking. Thank you for choosing Cago and choosing her loudly.

I will never forget the biggest rottenweiler, I've ever had, my goofy Buzz- tongue always hanging sideways... the best baseball, basketball, soccer, football b-ball player there ever was. I'll never forget how you'd throw the ball up and show off your catching skills, my Babe Ruth. Thank you for every single ball.

I hope you enjoyed your life as much as I enjoyed having you in mine. I hope every Caturday was amazing, and now every day will be Caturday for you. It was an honor and privilege to be your mom. You might think that I saved you from a terrible situation, but you have no idea how many times you saved me and some days you and your sister - and of course Gabby and Keesi were the only reason I got out of bed. Thank you for making the hard days easier.

They say that a pet is just a chapter in our lives, but you were more than a pet, you were a soulmate to me, my baby, my big cuddly bear, my protector, and my rock. You were with me during some really trying times, and whenever I needed you. I will never forget you, you were so much more than a chapter, and I hope we find each other in every single lifetime. If you wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge, I'll make my way there as soon as I can. In the meantime, I hope you get to meet my sister Sarah, MooCow, my Lilo, because without her, there would not have been a you, Stitch, Arnold, and reunite with Drogon. Thank you for the gift you gave me- your whole heart and unconditional unfiltered love and loyalty.

I love you. Go play.